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Daily Mail - March 2003
WHAT BOOK?
Zane Radcliffe
What book are you reading now?
‘Dead Air’ by Iain Banks, another novel on the WHSmith shortlist. It romps along nicely, propelled by the unrelenting world-view of its central character, a vitriolic shock-jock. I grew up on Iain Banks (and salad cream sandwiches) and wonder if he’ll ever better ‘The Crow Road’, which possesses the best opening line ever written: ‘It was the day my grandmother exploded.’
I’m not do keen on his science fiction books, though. I blame those old Smash adverts with the laughing martians. They’ve put me right off the genre.
What book would you take to a desert island?
‘The Essential Spike Milligan’. The way I see it, if you’re washed up on a deserted island you have two choices: you can either laugh or cry. Or you can cry with laughter.
What book would you give to someone visiting Northern Ireland for the first time?
‘John Pepper’s Encyclopaedia of Ulster Knowledge’ is a classic, if slightly dated guide to the idiosyncrasies (mostly linguistic) of my home country. In Northern Ireland we don’t have spring onions; we have ‘scallions’. And if you’re looking for clementines or satsumas, you won’t find them. You’ll have to make do with ‘wee oranges.’ This is important stuff.
What book left you cold?
‘Frost on my moustache’ by Tim Moore. But don’t get me wrong, it’s a hilarious travelogue in which the hapless Moore recreates the celebrated journey of Lord Dufferin to Iceland and the Arctic Circle. It left me cold because his battle with the icebergs, the elements and frozen snot had me reaching for my Gore-Tex fleece. And having spent a month in Iceland last year I can concur that puffin meat does indeed have the taste and consistency of used sump oil.
What book changed your life?
‘The Schonell Guide to Spelling’. Before that, I was just another illiterate, inarticulate five year old who had little to offer the world other than an ability to pee higher than my own height.
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